Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I Doth Protest Too Much ... Sometimes

There are times in my life when I wish I could live my life in reverse, like the Fitzgerald protagonist Benjamin Button. I have noticed the following attributes that seem to be accumulating as I put on years (as opposed to lbs):

1. My anxiety and stress levels increase, so much so I have panic attacks.

2. I notice various aches and pains, that I self diagnose, which make my feel like my hypochondriac mother ... yet mine really exist.

3. My molehills are mountainous, as I make small things into really big things.

Case in point, I was stressing myself out this morning over this self-evaluation we have to do at work. In their infinite wisdom, the suits at NMH have decided that we should critique ourselves in regards to merit raises, in order to alleviate the work load on management. This immediately raised the question in my mind of "if I'm doing that, then what the fuck do I have a manger for?" Anyways, as when most things disrupt my daily routine, or life routine for that matter, I complain. As the eval is due by the 13th, and I have a 3 day weekend ... I had to get it done today, tomorrow, or Thursday, which would have been out as I only work 8 hours. Biting the bullet, I sat and worked on it for an hour, and made myself laugh at the absurdity of the whole thing.

In other words, it brightened my day.

That is of course, until, the maximum raise percentage we can get is 2. This stifled me. I worked so very hard on my review, gave it 100%, which means that 98% was too much effort. Now, I realize that I should be thankful that I have a job, and that I even get a raise ... but I find it difficult to swallow that NMH can give us so little. Keep in mind, at all our employee meetings, the hospital is never in the red, and profits exceed 100s of millions of dollars, even though the great irony is that we're a nonforprofit entity.

I was now on a roll.

Often times, Chip, and Amber in not so many words, have retorted that if the people don't call you, you go to the people, in regards to hanging out, and making new friends. So, that's what I did ... I started event planning, because I feel no one else does ... at least in my social circle. There's plenty of fun stuff coming out that looks like it'd be really cool to go to, so now, I guess, I just have to wait for people to say "yes".

That is of course they're feigning liking me.

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